Mr Fat: thoughts for the day Christmas Eve 2014

I do hope this is not to maudlin for you, it is not intended thus, forgive me if so......

One of my dear cyber friends and Indie Author Brian Meeks sent me a Christmas wish earlier today with his kind thoughts on my condition and hopes for my continued involvement in life.  Well, all I could say to ALL OF YOU out there reading this across cyber space and who continue to be an inspiration to me, taking someone you have never met in life, into your own lives,  and then continually sending messages of support, love and well being.  It is you guys out there, along with my family and British friends who continually pop in to see me, who are the real inspiration to me and my family...........

Dear Brian, my strength and the little success I have had in life, has been down to the fact that most people are good, nice and supportive. I have had that support from family and friends and in the workplace, the latter especially, which allowed me to be known as a very good manager when in reality I was surrounded by a fantastic & supportive workforce.

My family and friends,  both who are here but also like you who are my dear dear cyber friends, give me two things: 1. A pragmatic acceptance of my fate and 2. The energy of the good thoughts and wishes to tell Mr Tumour, ' you are here and you are advancing, but we aren't going to let you take our Husband our Dad, our Grand Dad OUR FRIEND without a fight ' and it is that energy that keeps Me saying, ' get stuffed, mate, I'm  not ready to leave yet ' You and everyone out there, even now are always on my thoughts and I truly wish for a magical holiday season with family and friends for every single one of you,  as mine is and always has been since the birth  of my first child and that magic exploded on the birth of my first grandchild and continues to do so and will keep me here for a long time, being the pain in the ass that I sometimes am.......MERRY XMAS TO ALL MY FRIENDS🎅🎄😍 👪


And then today, one of my best friends turned up bearing Gifts and Flowers and when I asked how he was, as he too has recently been diagnosed with stomach cancer:

My thoughts turned to him as he reports that he has been scheduled for an operation on 20th January, 2015.

He will endure a 5-6 hour operation, they will remove the tumour and everything it touches, left kidney, spleen, pancreas and at least half the colon, as a minimum, intensive care for 2-3 days, hospital, 2-3 weeks, recovery time 3-4 months, he couldn't tell us the prognosis until the surgeons have been in, removed the contaminated bits, and the surgeons can see how good or bad it really is. But what they are sure of is, it must come out and now...

 This type of cancer does not react to chemotherapy or radiotherapy, surgery is the only option.

I have told my Friend, Ricky Everett that like me he is a survivor, think about him in a positive way guys. Like me, he will feel the power of your goodwill. Xxxxx

To everyone out there reading this today, whether you are a regular visitor, and if you are, my sincere apologies for the paucity of posts over the last year, I really shall try to rectify that shortcoming in the new year, it's not as if I don't have the time these days, I wish you and those of you who have just popped in for a wee look,  the very best seasonal wishes to you and to your family and kin.

Don't think sad thoughts for me and Ricky or for anyone else who you might know and who is in a similar situation. Think joyous thoughts and celebrate the lives that we and they have and the life that we and they still have.

For some of us it can be a long road to the end, for others it maybe shorter, but I for one would like to see happy smiling faces and receive happy positive thoughts from anyone, rather than they, you  thinking, 'how sad'.  ENJOY EVERY MINUTE YOU HAVE

Ishbel and me of to the Royal Opera House 

On Holiday Feb 14

(L_R) Jennifer, Lacey Mae, Me, Steve (sil) Shannon, Mollie, Ishbel
 Family Breakfast pre Xmas shopping

(L-R) AJ , Marie, Ishbel, Charlie, Holly, Peter (sil)
Family breakfast pre Xmas shopping

Tom and Ishbel

A very Merry Christmas to you all

Mollie has another crisis of conscience ....,

I had been very very ill over a period of a few weeks recently and the last week was not the cancer per say, although no doubt a large contributing factor.  No, rather it started with a little sore appearing on my top lip which, and no evidence to support this, soon developed into what appeared to be a chest infection that left me completely debilitated and in bed for most of the week and left me almost completely helpless.

I had been taken to see the oncologist the previous week by S-i-L Peter who drove all the way down from Northampton and it was really good to see him and it also gave him the chance to come in and listen to what was going on, which is good, saves me remembering to report back to the inquisition that is Marie :).  While there I mentioned the visit to the opticians who had found lesions on my eyeballs and of course this triggered the thought process with little 'Olly' that maybe a brain scan would be in order to check if the cancer was spreading up, I'm sure there was a little voice over my shoulder commenting well if it has, it wont find anything else up there.....

So, on Wednesday, the following week, Jen, S-i-L Steve, Shannon and Lacey May arrived from Woking as I was still in no fit state to do anything for myself and Steve took me to Hospital for my scan to see if there is a brain, sorry, if the cancer has spread up there.....

Mollie, didn't come and was so distraught, why, you ask?  Well she is 11 and we love each other dearly and remember she is the first of our grandchildren so it is fair to say that the bond between her and us and me is a little bit stronger although I do hasten to add I have absolutely no favourites when it comes to the 5 of them but Charlie you are going to get a kick in the bum one of these days if you don't get it.  We are men Charlie, it is one of our roles in life to go shopping with the women in our lives, whether we like it or not, the sooner you realise that the better, so get with the programme kid...... Oh, and cash management Charlie, you either have enough to buy the game you want, or you don't.  If you don't have it this week, you get your allowance the next week as long as you get your chores done.  Save what you have and add to it the following week so that you can buy your game and stop being a tit, leaving it in your pocket contrary to popular folklore, will not make it burn a hole in it, seriously.....

Any-hows, back to Mollie and her crisis. I have tweeted that Mollie, turning 11, has now moved from primary school to high school and Mollie being Mollie has made the transition without flinching or any sort of trepidation and has fitted in so comfortably that she just can not get enough of it.  In fact now that she has settled in and homework being a big part off schooling here she loves that too and while the homework given out is normally not due for a few days or even the following week, thereby giving the pupil plenty of time to study, research and complete, Mollie by all accounts come in each day with her assignments and immediately sets her self up in either her room or at the dining room table and gets stuck in to it immediately, how cool is that.

So, I get a phone call from Jennifer to say that she had just gone up to Mollies room after they had had a family discussion to say that they were all coming over to visit on a school day, so that dad,
S-i-L Steve could take granddad to hospital.  Obviously Shannon and Lacey Mae were delighted at being taken out of school but as it turned out Mollie, while desperate to visit, as she always is, informed her mum, that she had a test the following day and really wanted to take it and didn't know what to do!

My answer was simple, tell her I am ill but I am not yet ready to die and that it was important that she go to school and sit her test and to do the best that she could do and that I would still be here when she came visiting the following week.  It wasn't a problem and we always have face time and Skype to keep in touch with each other as we do.

So, Mollie, dear dear Mollie, this is for you.

We have always encouraged you to be the best that you can be.  Your are small, tiny and petite.  All of your school aged friends tower above you, but you have the heart, brain and intellect of a giant and this is because you are inquisitive and curious about everything, you like your little (big) sister Shannon were always reading well above your age group  and your teachers were forever commenting on this.  I remember you telling me one day that when your teacher asked what you were reading when you were about nine she was amazed to learn that you had just read Beowulf by Seamus Heaney and that you were getting ready to read To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee, you never do go for the easy stuff and you still don't.  I love browsing in the bookshops with you.

It is this willingness to tackle the hard stuff at so early a time in your development and to love the process of learning that you do, that made you feel so sad about not coming to see me when I was so ill, but on the other hand this made me so happy as it shows that you both care so much for me but also in the need to be tested on all the new things and subjects that you are learning in your new school.  You made the right decision and you should know that I and Grandma and your mum and dad support you and love you for being who you are and for being the caring loving daughter and granddaughter and human being that you are and will continue to be for the rest of your long life.

I made you a promise recently; about how long I was going to hang around before popping my cloggs.  I know, that you know, that not all promises made can be kept and you know I will try and keep that promise but that I may not be able to.  You are wise enough to understand that, and I know that you are going to be heart broken when the time comes to say goodbye forever,  But when that day finally comes you will find it incredibly hard to move on and get over it, BUT YOU MUST.  Remember all the good times and there are thousand of photographs of you and your sisters and your cousins (ok, I admit it now, I was and am a pain in the butt with my camera, but I love you all too much not to always be taken snaps of you and I won't stop until, well whenever) and you will have these forever with loads of them with me in them too, to remind  you forever of our special bond.

You will need the support of mum and dad and grandma and aunty Marie and uncle's Peter and Brian and your sisters and cousins will be sad too and you as the eldest will need to be really strong to support and help them through that dark period ahead, as your friends Ewan and Holly and others will help you through it and to move on.

Moving on isn't forgetting and not being sad, you are allowed to be sad, But, it is about coming to terms with the cycle of life, knowing one day that those you love will pass on and no longer be part of your life, but we can still be part of your existence. You can call on and recall the good times and the life lessons, the books and the TV and films and the news that we discussed and talked about. You can recall the first time I gave you a sweet when we were walking back from the shops and you asked me what it was called and I replied it was a 'Big Purple One' and you replied, "I'm in purple heaven granddad". This made me smile and still does as I recall it now.

You can remember when we took Lacey Mae and Shannon to the theatre to see their first musical, The Lion King and Granddad crying like a baby when he saw the absolute look of joy and happiness on Lacey Mae's face when that curtain went up and how she sat there laughing and smiling and clapping for the whole performance and granddad was so happy to be alive to see that joy and happiness on all your faces.

The look on your face when you got your first hot towel on your first visit to an Indian restaurant at the end of the meal, I will never forget these moments Mollie and you should remember them when feeling a bit sad too, they will make you happy and sad again, but I think more happier than sad....

My life has been pretty good Mollie.  I met Grandma in Berlin in 1974 and we got married two years later.  We had three wonderful children in Marie, Jennifer and Brian.  Aunty Marie and your mummy Jennifer gave us you and your sisters and Charlie and Holly and we have been blessed having you all in our lives along with your dad Steve and Uncle Peter.

So, the whole point of this Mollie Ing is tell you that I will always support you in your decisions and your decision to stay at home and go to school was the right one.  Your education is the most important thing right now.  You should never stop the learning process.  Some people will tell you that a good education isn't the be all and end all and that you can get on in life without education. that may be true for a small minority in the world but what they don't tell you is that while they might not have the academic qualifications because they do possess an intellect and drive that propels them to be successful in their endeavours and their lack of educational qualifications was probably due to boredom brought about by poor teaching methods, that does happen, or they just weren't getting challenged enough in the learning process.  You on the other hand don't seem to get bored with any of the new subjects that you are learning at your new school and you have always enjoyed the schooling process and you always seem to benefit from having good teachers willing to impart their knowledge to you, helping and encouraging you through the various curriculum's.  Stay on that road Mollie learn, learn learn, be the smartest and brightest star in the school and you will be able with your drive and ambition to achieve anything you want to in the future and I will be somewhere looking down and smiling and enjoying your successes for all time  

Love you chuckles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A Fathers Love

Saw this on twitter and just had to share it with you, beautiful, moving, touching.  An elderly father and his grown up son, sitting in a garden .....

It reminds us that patience and love are two of the core essences of our being, or at least it is for some!  Personally, I hated my father and was glad when he died and there is not a forgiving bone in my body towards him, I still do not miss him today.

For me, it is a reminder that some dads can be loving and thoughtful and still have patience when their kids get a bit grumpy, like we all do from time to time.  And I hope that my kids think of me in that way even although I recognise that at times I was not the best father in the world......

A Ramble

Well, 2012 is just about over and we, Ishbel and me, are ending it, the way it began,with 6 year olds Charlie and Holly, of course last year they were 5. There cousin, Mollie, 9, going on 10 is still the petite and most gorgeous creature on the planet, as are all of our grand kids. O.K. I'm biased but we were just talking about this recently, Mollie and me.

It was her, she started it,and it was about three weeks ago, the telly was on in the corner but it was just being used for music, music and books that's the big things in our extended family, sure we like certain TV shows and movies, but music and books are the main attention grabbers with all of us.

So, anyway the music was playing through the big box in the corner and after a while the picture of what is playing defaults to a random slide show of the photographs on my computer and comments were being passed to and fro about the various stages of growth when Mollie turned to me and said, "Grand dad, was I a beautiful baby?" We'll, before I can answer grandma chirps in with a, "of course you were darling, all babies are beautiful"

But Mollie knows her granddad and turns back to me with those enormous and beautiful brown eyes and says, "Well granddad, was I" Now what can one say to a 9 year old girl when asked that question, but answer truthfully.

"Off course you were my darling, you were one of the most beautiful babies ever born, well at least for the first couple of weeks, but then like most babies you turned into an ugly pumpkin, in fact one of the ugliest" Mollies reaction to this was, "Oh grandad!" And her 6 year old sister Shannon sniggered and laughed until I told her that she was even uglier and truth be told she was, she really was.....

Then of course there is Charlie and Holly separated from Shannon by a couple of weeks, they weren't too ugly when they were born and I think the fact that Holly had to be placed in an incubator with all those wires and attachments seemed to make her look so beautiful, but once again they older they got the uglier they became but as with all four of them, somewhere between pre school and school, they seemed to blossom turning into beautiful little people. People with personalities, people with thoughts of their own, able to converse and read and take on things that are happening around them.

Last Sunday, Holly and I were in the car on our own on our way to pick up grandma and as usual the gramophone needle she has been infected with just keeps going and going and she was telling me all sorts of things when suddenly she started telling me about the children who were the same age as her who had been shot in America! What! She is 6 and she wants to talk about Sandy Hook.

I have to admit I was thrown and stuttered, I don't stutter, ever. But this made me miss a beat. So I asked what she knew. She replied that her and Charlie had been in the car with mummy when it came on the news that a bad man had broken into a school like theirs and shot a lot of the children! I asked her how that made her feel. She said it made her "feel sad as Santa would probably already have their presents in his sack and they won't get them and their mummies and daddies will be sad too. Once again I have to admit to being a little thrown by the turn the in the conversation and just as I was preparing to give a profound reply, we had arrived outside the department store grandma works in and Holly says, "Where is she?"

Ah the sweet refrain, in this case, for me at least, of safety. I don't know what I would have said to Holly on that subject as I certainly couldn't repeat what I and others had been saying in the office about the person who did this and the stupidity of the laws in America that allow you to buy a gun with very little background checks, or of a country that has so many guns that even if you are not allowed to buy one, you seemingly can easily obtain one along with super magazines to hold extra bullets to allow you to kill more people or children with one squeeze of the finger, but you can't buy a kinder egg as it has been deemed unsafe and a child may choke on the small toy inside the chocolate egg! Merry Christmas to the NRA then for their continued obstinacy on gun ownership.

We had a visit in September from Julia R Barrett and Oscar from California. Friends we made on Twitter, it was a fleeting visit but highly enjoyable and cemented our friendship or at least Ishbel and I hope it did. Oscar has promised that if we ever manage to get out there to visit that he will be taking me to watch the San Francisco Giants Baseball team in action, their home team. Julia and another Twitter friend Tim, TWDitmer, seem to have a bit of a grudge fight going on over their respective teams and the conversations are funny to observe as they discuss live, the merits of their respective teams as they play bat and ball..... Bless

Twitter has brought so many people into our lives this year, far to many to mention but a few special ones are;

JWManus
PenelopeRomance
Wee Mickey, Michael Hicks
Julian Stockwin
ChefJohn Malik

and so many more and Marylin Warner who is not on Twitter but always has a kind word, even for an old fart like me, through the medium of her blog which can be found at:  Things I want to tell my Mother

Oh, we went up to Inverness at the beginning of December (I know, still no blog..... There is a draft in here some where) for our niece Sarah's wedding to young Mark Surherland. David and Jill, Sarah's mum and dad gave them and us, a perfect day, weather wasn't great but then it was December, but it did stay dry for the occasion and the reception and party after, just hit the right note. We wish them many happy years together as a married couple to add to the seven they have already been together.

I hit a bit of a hiatus in September too after Julia and Oscar left, nothing to do with them, work related and it can be seen in the number of blog posts I had been writing prior to that, in double figures every month up to then, and then barely in single figures. Still recovering from that but really hoping that 2013, as we do for every year, turns out to be better than the last, for all of us.

Politicians and politics have been getting right up my nose this year but I haven't really even been able to find the where with all to even berate them on my blog. In many respects I think it has been a case of, 'well, you ignore us and do what the hell you are going to do anyway, regardless of what the majority thinks, so I have been ignoring them, which is not good. But even political commentators on twitter are largely as bad as the politicians themselves bad mouthing the other party for things that they do ignoring the fact that the party they support, do the same things, but it's OK when they do, cos we support you. One guy this week was whingeing on about the number of Conservative party donors who were awarded honours in the New Years list, but what about the number of Labour Party donors who get the same honours when Labour is in power; hypocritical dick heads, all of them and they wonder why we are sickened by them all! Even one of my favs in the Labour Party Diane Abbot was having a go this week about biscuits of all things - give it a bloody rest will you ....

Oh, Got a surprise comment on one of my recent blogs from Rob McMeekin, a name from my past who hopefully will be in touch again soon.  One of the Nicest, Most Helpful, Well Mannered Men on the planet and my good fortune to have been acquainted with and I suspect the good fortune of everyone he comes into contact with #TOPMAN

So, anyway this has just been a wee ramble and I hope not too depressing and all it remains is for Ishbel and me to wish you all;

A Happy New Year