Mr FAT'S day with the nice doctor.....

Well, went to hospital last night and had a CAT scan and today had a gastroscopy. Had to wait for about an hour and a half for the young doctor to then come and see me. I knew there was something up looking at his glum expression and then he paused and hesitated when we had sat ourselves down in the consulting room off the recovery room. "Well, is it bad news"? I asked He still looked glum and hesitant so with my best smokers smile I said, "what's the problem then, don't hang about I've taken the day off and the sun is still shining out there and anyway, it's my bad news and not yours, so let's get it over with.

As you know I have been feeling a bit lifeless for the last couple of months but in all truth I have actually been feeling much better over the last week or so and again I thought it was nothing more than a sliding hiatus hernia, bloody uncomfortable, but manageable and that was the point of the camera down the gagging throat today.

As it turns out there is a hernia, but, "We have another problem" says he. We won't fully know until we get the results of the biopsy and then we will arrange a multi discipline consultation (what the F... Is one of those - I didn't ask - which got me into more trouble from Ishbel) but in the meantime we are organising a full MRI and another CAT scan. You may need to start a course of chemotherapy but we will sort all that out on your next consultation"

"Any questions"? Says he
"Well yes" says I and he looks expectantly at me and I say. "I've been in here all morning, any chance of a fag break"?

I know, I know, but what can one say to the above, he says there is something wrong with me. I ask if I am going to die and will it be a painful death, he looks glum and I again say what are you looking so glum for, it's not you with the problem and anyway the bottom line is that yes I may have a serious life threatening illness/disease that has no doubt come about by being a fat git who smokes, has asthma, a touch of arthritis and who's idea of exercise is walking to the kitchen to make a coffee and then of course there is the final point that until we get the results of the biopsy we don't really know what the extent of the problem is ..... So no point in worrying at all, is there?  Mind you if he can't tell me what is actually wrong with me, and I never thought about it until I was lugging the tonne of medicine and energy drinks home from the pharmacy, what the hell did he give me it for, just a thought, but they were all very attentive and nice and I did get a wee packet of ginger nut biscuits with a coffee while in the recovery room, so that was a result.... If you've never dipped a ginger nut biscuit in your coffee you haven't lived

Oh, and if it does turn out to be bad news I've told Ishbel that if she continues to put plastic in with the normal waste and not in the non recyclable I will be back rattling the bins against the window at night haunting her until she learns to do it properly and another thing when I say it goes in the oven when the correct temperature is reached, WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT, that doesn't mean putting it in there just after you turn the oven on, otherwise I will come back and make sure all her food is burnt.... Loves ya babes

Mr Fat and the Doctor

I visited the doctor today, that's four times in the last week.  Now if you have read my blogs you will know that I am not one to visit the doctor if I can avoid it, it's a man thing, stupid.  But in my case there is another stupid reason, I don't really get on with her.

I have a fine relationship with the main receptionist and with the nurse who normally sees me for my asthma, but the doctor, no not really.

And three of the visits weren't actually visits to the doctor  but visits to the surgery.  Let me explain, I had heard a report on the BBC saying the at the NHS was not going to spend millions on advertising that the flu season was upon us and urging those at risk (me with my asthma) to go and get our flu jab.  Now again, I am normally on top of this and I usually contact the surgery in Sept at the same time as I am due my MOT for the Asthma, you know the one where you blow into the cardboard tube, have your blood pressure and weight taken etc.  Well I had the MOT and my blood pressure was normal and I was losing weight (well we all know that right!) but I forgot to ask about the flu jab.  Well, with all that nice weather we had been having it hadn't been at the forefront of my mind.

Anyway I then heard the report about the NHS not promulgating the need for it this year but that they expected the local GP's to contact their patients directly.  Well I don't think I have ever been contacted by them, but that's another story. so I decided on Monday 3rd October to pop in and ask when they would be available.  I was informed between 11 and 12  that coming Thursday or the same time on the following Monday (today 10th October).  So I began to ask when would we have been informed but without actually saying anything, I knew from the look, that they were not going to spend any money on postage or phone calls or text messages either!

Never mind, I called in, I knew, so off I went on Thursday to get my jab.  Now as it happens, on the Wednesday I had started to get an extremely painful back in the area of my right kidney and it was as if a knife was being stuck into me.  The pain had got so bad by Wednesday evening that I considered going to A and E, but I had loaded myself up with painkillers which had given some amelioration to the pain and so I thought I would just wait until Thursday, flu jab day, and see if I could get an appointment for Thursday night, or Friday.

Long story short, I spoke to another receptionist who I did not know and explained the symptons, she gave me an appointment for today, 4 days later.  I then spoke to the usual receptionist who was on queue control for the multitudes attending for the flu jab.  She then said, "hang on",  disappeared and came back with a sample bottle telling me to pee into into in the morning and come back at 9.30 am to see the nurse!

Friday morning, peed in bottle, attended the nurse who tested it and said that she couldn't find anything wrong, "although it is rather cloudy" and with that said she would send it off for testing.  Now between then and today I still had a bit of a twinge, a twinge I was aware of, but one that I would normally ignore, but having made the appointment and had my pee sent of for testing, rather than cancel the appointment I would keep it and so we come to today.

I arrived 15 minutes before the appointed time, kindle in hand, and waited.

Eventually, I got the call, went in and was told to sit down.  As usual no eye contact was made, she never makes eye contact:

"Your tests have come back, there is nothing wrong with your kidneys", says she, looking at her pc screen.

"Good" I reply, "and I can report that there is only a little bit of tenderness still there, so it was probably nothing" says I.

"Pull up your shirt and with one finger point to the area" says she. And I do.

"You probably pulled a muscle, just take some ibuprofen or something like that", she continued.

"Now we need to do something about your lifestyle", she then launched into. "That chap who was in just in front of you has a similar lifestyle to you and he has just had a heart attack", still hasn't looked at me.  "Empty your pockets and step on the scales please", she continues. I do, still fully clothed and wearing my shoes, asthma pump, step counter and car keys out of pockets!

"You are still to heavy and don't seem to be losing any weight" she says as she sits back down at her desk, "and your blood pressure is still too high", she continues.

"No, I don't think so" I respond, My weight is coming down and my blood pressure when the nurse took it in September, was normal, you haven't tested my blood pressure this morning, how can it still be high?  And as for my weight, how can you say I am not losing any weight, in the last two years I have dropped three waist sizes, the slacks I am wearing today were cleaned at the weekend and haven't been worn for over four years, even you must recognise that and also that I am not wheezing like a horse who has just ran the grand national"

"My scales aren't wrong", was the reply, "They do not have springs in them like yours at home and they are calibrated every year"! She went on. "Just look at your BMI here on the screen your ideal weight should be between 8 and 12 stone.  I pointed out that at 5' 11 inches or thereabouts that if I were 8 stones I would be anorexic. "Well it is 8st 13lbs, nearly 9 stone....." "Well that makes a difference, 13 lbs", says I and went on to point out that;

My scales did not have springs in them either, that they were digital, like hers, and they certainly showed me when I was not losing weight and when I was losing weight, but she wasn't having any of it retorting, "Well if you want to take the negative spin from my comments.....", and I am thinking 'How can I take it any other way.  With that she turned to her writing and pushed a script across to me for a blood test and turned back to her screen without another word.  I assumed we were finished, but thought I would ask and was given a peremptory dismissal.