Port De Soller Mallorca

Port De Soller Mallorca

Saturday, 7 July 2012

Gie's a Pound!

Did I tell you, Mr Fat has been absent since the beginning of the year, regrettably he has, well in the sense that I am still here and still Mr Fat.  No, what I mean is in the literal sense that while Mr Fat exists but, The Mr Fat who has steadfastly been walking and losing weight, slowly but surely, he has, the latter one, been MIA.

No idea why that happened, just seemed to lose focus and as a result having got down to,  almost by a whisker, under 19 stone for the first time in almost two decades, over the last 6 months the fat git went back up to 20 stone and 3/4 lbs!

I think it was my eldest daughter Marie who put me back on track, she too has been getting fit, not that she wasn't, mother to 6 year old twins Charlie and Holly and a working Mum to boot. But, she joined a local ladies running group and has done a couple of 10km runs as well as a 5km one too and while she is gorgeous and beautiful, her new levels of fitness are making her look fabulously stunning .... but then she always was.

Just over a week ago, she said' "you should run too, dad!" As usual, I laughed at these feeble attempts to make me do any more than I need to at least maintain a basic level of fitness, but decided that I at least needed to get the 'running shoes' back on for walking, and I did, last Saturday ,  what I didn't mention in that general post, when I told you that I had been out for my walk, was that I did try and run.....

And the same thing happened as it did way back in August 2011 when I wrote about Mr Fat Needs a Bra .  Marie gave me the same advice that Jan Hicks did a year ago. "Don't try and go for a full run, go for your walk and just try jogging a little and then walk and then jogg again. But, like then, as now, the problem is two fold.
  1. I'm too bloody Fat and unfit!
  2. My 'man boobs' are still to bloody big and jiggle like a bunch of snakes in a sack!
As you can see, Mr fat is indeed BIG
but you can see where Marie gets her
good looks from !
But, I am getting there, even if it is only a week since I started again.  I'm clearly still not running, and I don't know that I want to be a runner but do recognise that while walking at 120 steps per minutes is giving me a workout and controlling my weight, I need to get the old heartbeat going and to do that I need to put a bit more effort in to it!  So last week I started, I picked a point to go from and thought I would keep going as long as I could, wasn't far believe me.  Leant forward, moved the legs and off I went both tits going hell for leather, I reckon I could have probably generated some electricity the way they were moving up and down and chaffing against my t-shirt.

My start point was a street lamp column.  These are about 120 feet apart in the UK and I thought I would manage at least three. Ha! Puffing and panting like a bull whale beached and gagging for oxygen I pulled up at the next one I came to, hands on hips chest heaving, and nipples still chaffing as they they rippled trying to get back to their normal floppy state of just hanging there.  So, instead of walking for 5 minutes or so, I walked for about twenty minutes and tried again, same outcome.  And that has been the same all week, with I have to say an ever so slight improvement as I go.. Today I did manage to run between three lamp columns, still jiggling away and still puffing and panting like Jake chasing a squirrel in the local park (not that he would of course being an obedient German Shepherd)! And having been out for an hour and 40 minutes or so this morning, I actually managed three small runs, between 3 lamp columns so that's about 1000 feet.  I know, pathetic, but a milestone for me.....

Apart from that I also got caught in the rain was accosted by two different men, no not in that way (but it might have been the size of my tits, who knows?) looking for money!

The first one was a young foreigner, with his rucksack, who while standing in a bus shelter stepped out in front of me, brought his lighter up to light his fag hanging from his mouth, and in broken English proceeded to tell me that he had run out of money and asked if I could give him a pound!  I asked for a fag! He said it was his last one, I said you should have stopped me earlier I already gave my last one to the other guy further back down the street. I don't know if he understood the words, but he got the meaning.  Sheesh, do you know how much fags cost in this country, he can AFFORD THEM BUT THEN NEEDS TO BEG FOR MONEY TO BUY FOOD..... or as he was at a bus stop he may have thought it would have been enough to get him somewhere, it probably would at that, at least the next stop anyway 

Not twenty feet further on an English guy in his late 20's early 30's came running over to me me.  He to then gave me his sorry tale of woe.  He, he told me had just been released from the local (his words) mental home that morning and he had no money and was starving and could I give him a pound too, WTF!!!!  What the hell does he think he is going to get to eat for a pound.....

Anyway, I asked him where this 'mental' home was and why did they let him out without giving him breakfast?  Although British/English, he like the foreigner 20 feet down the street looked at me vacantly at my complete lack of empathy or altruism, so I left him with that look on his face.  Just then the heavens opened up on me and I took shelter in the door way of one of the local hostelries, where I immediately phoned those magnificent 'men' in blue from Essex Police and informed them of the two. (there's a lot of elderly folk living in that part of Ockendon Village 'proper' and I really didn't want any of them being accosted on their way to and from the shopping parade.

Still chucking it down but as one or two people were looking at me as if to say, 'look at the state of the fat bastard, waiting on the pub opening'  I thought I would keep going, rain or no rain.  It reminded me a little of my time in Central America, not as humid, but raining heavily and with the underlying air temperature not making it cold or uncomfortable to be out in..

The Boss is out on the razzle tonight, with some of her mates, who knew... and so I have just made some pasta with fish and prawns in a white wine and bay leaf sauce, to see her through until then.  Me I'll probably go for another walk later although I have already reached my daily step target of 11000 steps, having done just over 15000...... and when I weighed myself this morning I have lost just over three pounds for the week - so moving in the right direction again.  I juts have to keep it going..... 


  1. I can't run so I have no advice to offer regarding running, but your daughter is gorgeous and yes, it's good to be active. So go for it.

  2. What Julia said--and don't let exercise make you lose your sense of humor! That would be tragic.

  3. Well done! Keep it up! It will get easier......I promise! xxxx

  4. Jules / Jaye, then that makes three of us. What say we create a new club

    The 'We don't and don't frecking want to RUN' club

    Non Runners of the world unite!

    But only when Mrs K aka Marie isn't looking xxxxxxx

  5. when I'd stopped laughing I thought good on you Tom, keep it up! the longest journey starts with a single step.
    So I started back at aquaerobics after considerable time off, as the joints got worse I did less and I didnt care, ate carefully but didnt exercise nearly enough to keep any level of fitness. Your blog made me do it, I thought if you could even contemplate running somewhere then I could get in the water and run to an ABBA track! it didnt kill me, the joints are not so bad and i'll make no excuses next week, I'll be leaning on the damn door... and shes much prettier than you-honest

  6. Morig, welcome back, always nice to get your take and why shouldn't you laugh at me too.

    But I'm glad too that in some small way I have helped to remotivate you. Let's try and keep it going together


  7. I wasnt actually laughing at you Tom, I was laughing in amusement at your writing and how you treated the 'gie us a pound' brigade!
    As you expired gently in front of them you still remembered to be nice, then called the cops on them!
    Lets see them motivated by that!

  8. Well done Unky Tom! You can officially run further than me!! I'm very proud of you. And well done to Marie as well - 10k runs! You're mental! xxx

  9. Thank you Morig, but I don't mind if you were. It means that I am actually achieving two things getting fit and making you smile xxx

  10. Lesley, my little monster, how are you my gorgeous wee niece.

    I don't know if that's a good thing you shou.d be much fitter than me at your age, doesn't walking back and forth to the bar keep you fit? Oh! I forgot, you'll get the guys to do that for you, good girl.

    Love, Hugs and kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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