Well, went to hospital last night and had a CAT scan and today had a gastroscopy. Had to wait for about an hour and a half for the young doctor to then come and see me. I knew there was something up looking at his glum expression and then he paused and hesitated when we had sat ourselves down in the consulting room off the recovery room. "Well, is it bad news"? I asked He still looked glum and hesitant so with my best smokers smile I said, "what's the problem then, don't hang about I've taken the day off and the sun is still shining out there and anyway, it's my bad news and not yours, so let's get it over with.
As you know I have been feeling a bit lifeless for the last couple of months but in all truth I have actually been feeling much better over the last week or so and again I thought it was nothing more than a sliding hiatus hernia, bloody uncomfortable, but manageable and that was the point of the camera down the gagging throat today.
As it turns out there is a hernia, but, "We have another problem" says he. We won't fully know until we get the results of the biopsy and then we will arrange a multi discipline consultation (what the F... Is one of those - I didn't ask - which got me into more trouble from Ishbel) but in the meantime we are organising a full MRI and another CAT scan. You may need to start a course of chemotherapy but we will sort all that out on your next consultation"
"Any questions"? Says he
"Well yes" says I and he looks expectantly at me and I say. "I've been in here all morning, any chance of a fag break"?
I know, I know, but what can one say to the above, he says there is something wrong with me. I ask if I am going to die and will it be a painful death, he looks glum and I again say what are you looking so glum for, it's not you with the problem and anyway the bottom line is that yes I may have a serious life threatening illness/disease that has no doubt come about by being a fat git who smokes, has asthma, a touch of arthritis and who's idea of exercise is walking to the kitchen to make a coffee and then of course there is the final point that until we get the results of the biopsy we don't really know what the extent of the problem is ..... So no point in worrying at all, is there? Mind you if he can't tell me what is actually wrong with me, and I never thought about it until I was lugging the tonne of medicine and energy drinks home from the pharmacy, what the hell did he give me it for, just a thought, but they were all very attentive and nice and I did get a wee packet of ginger nut biscuits with a coffee while in the recovery room, so that was a result.... If you've never dipped a ginger nut biscuit in your coffee you haven't lived
Oh, and if it does turn out to be bad news I've told Ishbel that if she continues to put plastic in with the normal waste and not in the non recyclable I will be back rattling the bins against the window at night haunting her until she learns to do it properly and another thing when I say it goes in the oven when the correct temperature is reached, WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT, that doesn't mean putting it in there just after you turn the oven on, otherwise I will come back and make sure all her food is burnt.... Loves ya babes