So, the meeting Friday. We arrived at Broomfield in plenty of time for our 2.20 PM appointment only to find Mr J was held up in the wards, me feeling irritated as usual, although not his fault and there are more people than me he has to deal with, it's just that I always have never been able to sit around for anything and there is something about that bloody hospital that apart from the main atrium there appears to be nowhere else inside that frigging building where you can get wifi, aaaarrrrggggghhhhh. Anyway, I digress. Mr J welcomed us in, pleasantries were exchanged and then we got into it. It seems that the Doctor who increased my chances of surviving the surgery, on giving me the results after the recent Cpex test had more than a little over reached himself in the information available and according to MR J and agreed with the Thoracic surgeon who would also be working on me at the same time; my chances of surviving surgery and tumour removal are pretty slim at the most! Life can sometimes be a bugger, can't it.
Mr J went on to explain that it had nothing to do with my weight, he doesn't care how fat the patient is, he likes to dice and slice into anyone, loves his job, bless, but really it was down to the rest of my major organs not being up to the task. You'll recall, my first visit to Broomfield showed I had a heart problem, it seems also that smoking since I was 11 has taken its toll on my lungs, who knew, and during the op they would have to collapse one of them while they were having a good old dig around inside my chest and oesophageal cavities. It may not have been as bad if I had only allowed myself to get fat but continued to at least keep fit at the same time, apparently my fitness regime like that on the right just wasn't cutting it, Oh dear!
He then went into, in great detail, the problems that I would have if I elected to still have surgery, the main one being that he and the other surgeons really thought my chances of being revived are pretty slim and even if they did manage to keep me alive then the prospects weren't good as it was likely my remaining time could be spent on a ventilator, if I was lucky! "So, I wont, as planned and as I had told everyone, be going back to work within three weeks then, says I........." "Not an option. Says he. "I wouldn't like to say when or even if, you would be returning to work."
Not good I suspect and many of you are probably beginning to feel sorry for me now, but don't! Enjoy your lives, TAKE MORE CARE OF YOUR OWN BODIES AND LET THIS BE A SALUTATORY LESSON TO ANYONE READING THIS - TAKE BETTER CAR OF YOUR BODIES WHILE ENJOYING LIFE.
I feel sorry not for myself, well maybe just a little bit, as I really did want, and expected to be around for many years to come. Ishbel and I have only been married for a short 37 years and she keeps telling me that women in her family live well into their 90's even knocking into the century, so while I always expected to expire before her I had hoped for at least another 20 to 30 years of making her life miserable........
Then of course there is Marie, Jennifer and Brian my wonderful kids, even although Brian seems to have fallen out with me for some reason I love them dearly and they make me laugh, often it is gut busting laughter and I in turn, do what all good dads do, I make them groan in despair at another stupid antic of mine.
Mollie, Shannon, Charlie, Holly and Lacey Mae my five adorable gorgeous smart intelligent grand kids who I so desperately wanted to be around to see them grow and develop and get into their teens and go to college and maybe university and then getting great jobs as astronauts, engineers, doctors or computer programming geniuses. Well I hope they do go on to do some of those things, but whatever they end up doing they should know their Grand dad, him with the big belly and the bald head and the funny face will always be so proud of them and love them for eternity, even when I am not around to see and hug them.
And of course there is family and friends, especially those two bright sassy nieces who terrorise the populace of Inverness on their nights on the town and who can reduce people to speechless dumbassidy (new word) by their witty, cutting and cerebral retorts to the more idiotic of the human species who have the misfortune to be dumb-asses when the girls are around.
And then of course there are the many wonderful friends, truly wonderful friends I have made on twitter and can I just say, if you are an author and you have been writing a series of books that I am reading and you aint finished that series, if you want your computer to crash at inopportune moments or the lead in your pencil to be continually breaking by incorporeal means - then don't finish the series before I pop off. On the other hand ......... just saying ........
Anyway I'm going to wrap up this with the final thought of by not going for the surgery as I have chosen as I really do not want to go in for an operation in the next week or so in the knowledge that I may not wake up again or even if I do I will be dribbling and comatose and wheezing and being a pain in the arse to everyone who come into contact with me, so I am going to enjoy the next few months or year and get a laugh out of every day and so to should you Get on with your lives, enjoy them, love your family and friends and SMILE, I am
oh and now that we have an end game of sorts I am going to try and be more interactive again on twitter and blogs, be warned .....
Love to you all