Pre-Christmas health tips for busy people
Before Christmas is a good time to take stock of our lifestyle.
These 9 ½ questions will ensure that will make the right health choices (From a Japanese Doctor who appears an expert).
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste
on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make
you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving
faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled
wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more
of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.
If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting
more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only
be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best
feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what
a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you
Merry Christmas
*******************************************************
Port De Soller Mallorca
Sunset
Friday, 21 December 2012
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
50 shades of ...
For Julia, Penny and Jaye as they 'loved the original so much..........
My missus bought a paperback
In Asda/Walmart Saturday,
I had a look inside the bag
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey"
Well I just left her to it, see,
And went off up to bed
An hour later, she appeared
Oh the sight filled me with dread!
In her hand she held a rope
The other, held a whip!
She brandished them around a bit
And then began to strip?.
Well forty years or so, ago,
I might have had a peek
But Doris hasn't weathered well
She's sixty-eight next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind
Couldn't be much grimmer?
And things progressed from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer !
She struggled back up to her feet,
A good half hour later,
Put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her !!!
Now if you knew our Doris, see,
You'd know just why I cringed.
I'd been two months in traction, cos
My hips and knees unhinged.
She stood there nude. All naked, like,
Bent forward quite a bit?. and
Jumping back in fright I went
And stood on her left tit.
Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My word. What HAD I done ?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"Step on the OTHER one !!!"
Well reader, I can tell no more
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say, my dark brown hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
Black and blue, battered too,
With wanton, wild perversion,
We decided that a night of sin
Was scarce worth such exertion.
Thank Heavens she has binned the book
And peace reigns, like before.
She's head to toe in winceyette
And back to back, we snore???...
courtesy of Tony Watkins
My missus bought a paperback
In Asda/Walmart Saturday,
I had a look inside the bag
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey"
Well I just left her to it, see,
And went off up to bed
An hour later, she appeared
Oh the sight filled me with dread!
In her hand she held a rope
The other, held a whip!
She brandished them around a bit
And then began to strip?.
Well forty years or so, ago,
I might have had a peek
But Doris hasn't weathered well
She's sixty-eight next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind
Couldn't be much grimmer?
And things progressed from bad to worse
She toppled off her Zimmer !
She struggled back up to her feet,
A good half hour later,
Put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her !!!
Now if you knew our Doris, see,
You'd know just why I cringed.
I'd been two months in traction, cos
My hips and knees unhinged.
She stood there nude. All naked, like,
Bent forward quite a bit?. and
Jumping back in fright I went
And stood on her left tit.
Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My word. What HAD I done ?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"Step on the OTHER one !!!"
Well reader, I can tell no more
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say, my dark brown hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
Black and blue, battered too,
With wanton, wild perversion,
We decided that a night of sin
Was scarce worth such exertion.
Thank Heavens she has binned the book
And peace reigns, like before.
She's head to toe in winceyette
And back to back, we snore???...
courtesy of Tony Watkins
Saturday, 15 December 2012
A woman who doesn't like to shop!
I have told you that Ishbel and I have been married for 35 years, 36 come next April, and before that we were engaged for a year or so, so all in all we have been together for a while yes, yes, I can feel your sympathies for my plight pouring in over the interweb thingy as you read this, how dreadful for poor Tom I hear you thinking,.....
Well, it hasn't been all bad and when I hear some guys moaning on about the monies their other half has spent on clothes, again; I smile inwardly and think of Ishbel....
I will be doing a post on our nieces wedding that we attended in Inverness at the beginning of the month in the next day or two, I know I promised this last week but hey I'm busy so you will just need to put on your Mr Patience coat and hang about, don't worry I'll let you know when it happens....
Anyway, a wedding a BIG OCCASION for the bride and groom, no doubt about that but almost as big for the guests as well. It's a time to get together with family and friends, some of whom you haven't seen in ages, some of whom you have never met and so you are making up for lost time with those who you know and getting to know those you are meeting for the first time and of course being a BIG OCCASION, you want to do this in STYLE.
So what do most women do, well it's obvious isn't it they go shopping and Ishbel is no different to the rest of you women out there, she goes too, the only difference is that she goes shopping, spends half a day in the local mall and comes home with sore feet and no shopping bags! Ridiculous I know but there you go. It's always the same.
Me, What did you get?
Ishbel. You know what, I think I did every fashion shop in there and couldn't find a thing.
Me, Really
Ishbel, Yes, it's ridiculous, all those shops and they have nothing worth buying...
Me, But, what are you going to wear to the wedding then?
Ishbel, I'm sure there will be something in the wardrobe I can wear....
Me, thinking I am sure there is but keep my mouth shut
The thing is, it's always been the same with her and I'm not complaining but it does get me wondering that I have married a woman with a serious defect in her genes, what do you all think....
Oh, just as an aside on the Thursday before the wedding I popped into the same mall to drop Ishbel of at work in the evening. I then went into the same mall and twenty minutes later - so that's ten minutes doing the shopping, 5 to the shop and 5 back to where Ishbel works- I turned up at her workplace in the men's suits department of the store she works in and said would this be suitable for the wedding ...
I was walking past the Monsoon window and this caught my eye so I went in and with the help of a delightful lady inside the store I came away with a dress, a clutch bag, a bolero jacket and a scarf, the shoes I passed on as Ishbel doesn't do heels....
And another thing, over 36 years I have bought the odd bit of jewellery for her, she has diamonds and sapphires pearls, ruby's and god knows what, in rings, in bracelets in necklaces and in earings, all matching stuff, does she wear any of this, NO, she wears a little bracelet that one of the grandkids made her and an Energy Muse necklace gifted to her from our dearest twitter friends Julia and Oscar, who visited a few months ago from California, and which she hasn't had off from round her neck since she was given it. Nothing against it or Jules for giving it her but what the hell am I doing buying her all that other stuff for, I ask you ......
so what do you think
Well, it hasn't been all bad and when I hear some guys moaning on about the monies their other half has spent on clothes, again; I smile inwardly and think of Ishbel....
I will be doing a post on our nieces wedding that we attended in Inverness at the beginning of the month in the next day or two, I know I promised this last week but hey I'm busy so you will just need to put on your Mr Patience coat and hang about, don't worry I'll let you know when it happens....
Anyway, a wedding a BIG OCCASION for the bride and groom, no doubt about that but almost as big for the guests as well. It's a time to get together with family and friends, some of whom you haven't seen in ages, some of whom you have never met and so you are making up for lost time with those who you know and getting to know those you are meeting for the first time and of course being a BIG OCCASION, you want to do this in STYLE.
So what do most women do, well it's obvious isn't it they go shopping and Ishbel is no different to the rest of you women out there, she goes too, the only difference is that she goes shopping, spends half a day in the local mall and comes home with sore feet and no shopping bags! Ridiculous I know but there you go. It's always the same.
Me, What did you get?
Ishbel. You know what, I think I did every fashion shop in there and couldn't find a thing.
Me, Really
Ishbel, Yes, it's ridiculous, all those shops and they have nothing worth buying...
Me, But, what are you going to wear to the wedding then?
Ishbel, I'm sure there will be something in the wardrobe I can wear....
Me, thinking I am sure there is but keep my mouth shut
The thing is, it's always been the same with her and I'm not complaining but it does get me wondering that I have married a woman with a serious defect in her genes, what do you all think....
Oh, just as an aside on the Thursday before the wedding I popped into the same mall to drop Ishbel of at work in the evening. I then went into the same mall and twenty minutes later - so that's ten minutes doing the shopping, 5 to the shop and 5 back to where Ishbel works- I turned up at her workplace in the men's suits department of the store she works in and said would this be suitable for the wedding ...
I was walking past the Monsoon window and this caught my eye so I went in and with the help of a delightful lady inside the store I came away with a dress, a clutch bag, a bolero jacket and a scarf, the shoes I passed on as Ishbel doesn't do heels....
And another thing, over 36 years I have bought the odd bit of jewellery for her, she has diamonds and sapphires pearls, ruby's and god knows what, in rings, in bracelets in necklaces and in earings, all matching stuff, does she wear any of this, NO, she wears a little bracelet that one of the grandkids made her and an Energy Muse necklace gifted to her from our dearest twitter friends Julia and Oscar, who visited a few months ago from California, and which she hasn't had off from round her neck since she was given it. Nothing against it or Jules for giving it her but what the hell am I doing buying her all that other stuff for, I ask you ......
so what do you think
How can you not find anything to buy on half a day and I can do it in 10 minutes what's going on.....
Book Review: Betrayal by Julian Stockwin
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| Look inside Amazon UK Look Inside Amazon US |
Stockwin doesn't disappoint. He is not troubled by the problem some other authors suffer from in writing a series with continuing characters and in trying to keep them engaged in interesting story lines that will draw the reader in to the world the characters inhabit. Writing 'historical fiction' and drawing on real events to give us a lesson in British history. It is a history, that we may not always be proud of, but what there can be no doubt of, is that there were men of valour and bravery who went out, on behalf of their country and King, and did what was needed of them to protect and extend the 'empire' and who fitted into their time perfectly.
Kydd and the crew of HMS L'Aurore, a thirty two gun Frigate were one such band of men, men who were fiercely loyal to their Captain, their ship, their shipmates and their Country and when called upon to do their duty, would do so with guts and dorryng do....
Having won the battle to wrest the Cape from the Dutch as told in Conquest Kydd, along with the rest of the fleet and indeed the Army, find themselves in a bit of a hiatus with little to do when Commodore Popham puts to him a plan to sail to the South American continent and take the Spanish colonies from Spain. There are no orders for this and if they embark on the mission they could face a Courts Martial for leaving their post, but, if they do and they can pull it off, the riches to be gained for the country which is still reeling from the cost of the Napoleonic wars, could save them and the country. Can it be done or does the title of the book suggest failure....? Do you know your history, I had no idea that we had invaded the Southern American countries , but we did and not just once, and this is the wonderful thing about Mr Stockwin, he takes our history and gives it back to us in almost, I am sure, as dramatic a fashion as it occurred at the time. People coming up with fantastical ideas, knowing that they are going to be outnumbered and with no supply lines for material, food or reserve forces, and then leap across the world in sailing ships to put the plan into action.
This was another page turner from a Sailor who knows his craft both in terms of Sailing ships of old and in storytelling. His introduction of characters both old and new is eloquent and enlightening, you end up checking wikipedia and other sources, not to catch him out but because he, through his story telling just ends up making you want to know more about those times, and the people who forged our history for good or for bad it is our history and brought to us in a most enjoyable way.
Editing for Kindle: Read in Hardback
Reading Enjoyment: 5 out of 5
Plot: 5 out of 5
Overall Rating: 5 out of 5
No of Pages: 365 plus 2 page Glossary*
Chapters: 16
* I note in the hardback that the Glossary is at the end of the book, which I fully understand, in print, is where it normally is, BUT, as I am forever pointing out if this is in the same place on the Kindle edition - NOT GOOD. It should be at the front of the Kindle edition for the simple reason of, if the reader is reading it and refers to the glossary at any time the device will always revert to the Glossary if the reader loses his/her place and utilises the 'go to last page read' option to find where they left off. Irritation beyond belief then kicks in for the reader!
Chapters: 16
* I note in the hardback that the Glossary is at the end of the book, which I fully understand, in print, is where it normally is, BUT, as I am forever pointing out if this is in the same place on the Kindle edition - NOT GOOD. It should be at the front of the Kindle edition for the simple reason of, if the reader is reading it and refers to the glossary at any time the device will always revert to the Glossary if the reader loses his/her place and utilises the 'go to last page read' option to find where they left off. Irritation beyond belief then kicks in for the reader!
You can connect with Mr Stockwin at: http://www.julianstockwin.com/ and on twitter @julianstockwin
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