Port De Soller Mallorca

Port De Soller Mallorca

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Somebody sent me this -Wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry

The following questions were  set in last year's GED examination 
These  are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and  they WILL breed.

Q.  Name the four seasons
A.  Salt, pepper, mustard and  vinegar

Q.  Explain one of the processes by which water can be  made safe to drink
A.  Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it  removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead  sheep and canoeists 

Q.  How is dew formed
A.  The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them  perspire

Q.  What causes the tides in the  oceans
A.  The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon.  All water tends to flow towards the moon, because  there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a  vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the  fight

Q.  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist  on
A.  If you are buying a house they will insist that you  are well endowed

Q.  In a democratic society, how important are  elections
A.  Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets  an election

Q.  What are steroids 
A.  Things for keeping carpets still on the  stairs              (Shoot  yourself now , there is little  hope)

Q..  What happens to your body as you  age
A.  When you get old, so do your bowels and you get  intercontinental

Q.  What happens to a boy when he reaches  puberty
A.  He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to  his  adultery               (So  true)

Q.  Name a major disease associated with  cigarettes
A.  Premature death

Q.  What is artificial insemination
A.  When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the  cow 

Q.  How can you delay milk turning  sour
A.  Keep it in the  cow                                               (Simple,  but brilliant)

Q.  How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised  (e.g. The abdomen)
A.  The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the  borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains  the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and  the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,  I,O,U..                (wtf!)                                                  

Q.  What is the fibula?
A.  A small lie

Q.  What does 'varicose' mean?
A.  Nearby

Q.  What is the most common form of birth control 
A.  Most people prevent contraception by wearing a  condominium            (That  would work)

Q.  Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean  section'
A.  The caesarean section is a district in  Rome

Q.  What is a seizure?
A.  A Roman  Emperor.                              (Julius  Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a  fit)

Q.  What is a terminal illness 
A.  When you are sick at the  airport.                  (Irrefutable)

Q.  Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic  feature?
A.  Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they  look like umbrellas

Q.  Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you  understand its meaning
A.  Hands that judicious can be soft as your  face.                      (OMG)

Q.  What does the word 'benign'  mean?
A.  Benign is what you will be after you be  eight   (brilliant) 

Q.  What is a turbine?
A.  Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his  head

The only comment I shall make is that, If this is a true reflection of answers given by 16 year old's then god help us.  Can I also suggest that all parents of daughters print this off, without the answers and have all prospective boyfriends complete, it may determine the quality and level of intelligence gifted to any future grandchildren! Just a thought.

On the other hand I did think some of the answers merited a possible gold star award, choose your own

and thanks to to the man who I very rarely phone, PK, simply because within minutes of getting on the phone to him I am normally having an Asthma attack as he launches into another rant about the world and laughter is the worst enemy of asthma, there is no justice in this world and that's probably why I am a grumpy bugger....................


  1. Well, the cigarette answer was right and I'll go for the sour milk solution. Too funny! Are these real or did somebody make them up?
    My aunt suffered from constant weakness which we dubbed chronic near death syndrome...Maybe that should be a question.

  2. Lol, so so scary. My personal favorites were the cigarette comment Julia pointed out, and the definition of varicose.


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