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Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Why children should ALWAYS be killed off in the first scene

I saw a link in a tweet between a couple of my favourite twitter Aunties, Julia Barrett aka @JuliaRBarrett and Jaye Manus aka @CalliesHand.  They are both aficionados of the TV show The Walking Dead, if you are not familiar with it here's a snip


Now the link that Julia and Jaye were sharing was to another blog, funnily enough about that show, and in particular to one cast member, a kid.  The blog was from a site called College Humour and it gave:
  

10 Reasons Why The Walking Dead Should Just Kill Carl


Carl if you don't watch the show, is a kid and the reasons it gave are here 

This got me thinking, that I should join in this debate as I am forever getting into trouble with my long suffering wife, Ishbel, aka @ishbelstronach.  You see if we sit down to watch a film or TV show that we know is going to be a 'shoot em up' come 'murder mayhem' drama and the first thing we see is the lovey dovey family group, the first thing out of me is an actual groan of despair, which in turn makes Ishbel roll her eyes and utter that well worn phrase, "Don't, don't even start".  "What," I say all innocently....

The most recent example of this, and I know it has been a couple of years now, but, 'Taken' with Liam Neeson.   "What!" I here you exclaim, this was a great movie, and yes I agree.  Who would have thought that Mr Neeson could be so dark, brooding and violent as he was in this, and that phone call;


I'll admit that you probably needed 24 year old Maggie Grace playing a 17 year old as the daughter to set the synopsis for the story but, for goodness sake did Luc Besson or no one else for that matter realise that the portrayal of a 17 year old 'All American Girl"  was so hammy that you could have slapped it between some bread with mustard on it, then decided you didn't like the mustard and thrown it in the bin ( cutting room floor) come on it was ALL of these scenes that made you want to see her dying from an overdose or being hit by a bus as she dashed across a road away from her kidnappers;


Truly awful acting from a 20 something that should never have made it onto our screens past the first scene, even the end scene returning to her mother at the airport was excruciating.  One can only hope that the traffickers cousins come looking for revenge in Taken 2 and make the effort to kill her off in the opening scene.....

Then of course there is the annoyingly little tough guy Edward Furlong as screechingly bad John Connor in Terminator and again I found myself wishing that the upgraded terminator would get past Arnies old style defences and just take the little prat out of the picture, of course the even better aspect of that had it happened, we wouldn't have had to watch the appallingly bad sequels, which would have been no bad thing.


And I would even have settled for Arnie dragging the little whining git into that vat of molten metal at the end of the Movie.

TV and 24's Jack Bauer.  One of my children, who shall remain nameless, Marie, used to get irritated with me when 24 was on and I would go on at length about it and how great Jack was.  Every man, and I suspect many women's dream guy.  Tough, in the extreme, endures excruciating physical and mental torture all for the sake of an ungrateful country, who doesn't want to know how he gets results but when he does get them and they find out how, boy is he then the baddy that no one wants to know.  I mean FFS what's wrong with chopping your mates head off and using it as an entry token to the real bad guys hide out.  Absolutely nothing wrong with it in my book ..... Ah Jack memories



and the only thing that let's it down is bloody Elisha Cuthbert as Kim the dopey blonde daughter who just kept getting in the way and had absolutely no redeeming qualities throughout, mean I know but there you go.

Let's face it most of the heroes of these shows are strong virile men, so it wouldn't be any great loss to them if they killed off the kids themselves at the beginning of the show......... they get the gorgeous woman at the end of the movie and can always make another one ....... as you just know that one or all of the offspring is going to keep breathing heavily, moan and groan as the killler(s) are closing in on them and they are about to give the hiding place away or there screams suggest that they have had a meat hook on a chain stuck in their back and they have then been hoist up and left dangling over a vat of boiling sulphuric acid..... if only they were and the chain broke and dropped them into cutting off their scream in mid decibel, is that to much to ask?  I ask you is there any need for these scenes of wretched screaming kids for any other reason.... No, exactly..

All they do is irritate the audience, well me anyway and I could do without them.  I want to see blood spilled and head and hands chopped off in my murder mayhem shows.  I don't want it spoilt by inane kids whose only purpose in the movie is to scream and scream and scream and occasionally whimper at an inappropriate time, GET RID OF THEM and give us more MURDER DEATH KILL please please please

There are many more better examples, but if I keep going it will need a book and as we all know I can't write wot like proper writers do

xx










2 comments:

  1. You know, I love Taken but I hate that girl - I mean her acting, not her personally - but I could never put my finger on what was wrong. I think you've nailed it. And I was so sorry her friend got offed without a second thought.
    And hey Tom, does that really happen in Paris? I mean, seriously? Pretty girls disappear like that on a daily basis and the French authorities look the other way?
    I feel sorry for Carl, the actor, because we are so on his case when it's the writers who are doing such a bad job of writing the character. blame the parents! That Lori has got to go! And Shane shoulda killed Rick when he had the chance but he was too loyal a friend to do it! That's my version and I'm sticking to it!
    So...kids in movies - I liked the boys in Jaws. Abigail Breslin has been outstanding in everything she's done - Little Miss Sunshine, Zombieland...
    I hate hate hate hate hate that kid in Atonement! OMG! I. Hate. Her. Also hated the movie.
    Now that I've written an entire book...

    ReplyDelete
  2. No FAVOURITES ALLOWED Missy,KILL THEM ALL

    ReplyDelete

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