To lighten your day, or to scare you!

It's been a while, but got this by email today and thought you might like it.  They made me smile but for some reason the last one made me laugh out loud! Especially for my teacher friends, but I think everyone will enjoy this one, and it does say a lot about the youth of today. The following questions were set in last year’s examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed. (scary) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids  A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow  Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean?  A. Nearby   Q. What is the most common form of birth control  A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness  A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)